Just a little something I thought up while waiting for my fish to cook.
Please comment. :D
Dear Diary. Its always the same. Dear Diary… I had a bad day at school. Dear Diary, I fucked my best friends’ ex/current gf/bf/both. Dear Diary THIS, Dear Diary THAT. Me me me me me! Why is it never:
Dear Diary, how are you today? FUCKIN’ TERRIBLE, YOU GODDAMNED NOOB! I get shit written in me all day every day, its horrible reading material. I’ve been recycled so many times, I can’t remember the last time I had a good lay! Well, that sounds like you’re really stressed Diary, have you tried acupuncture? Are you retarded? Haven’t you seen Chamber of Secrets? I mean the movie, not the mother-fuckin’ arrogant little shite of a book. You saw what happened to the Diary entity in that movie, yeah? DON’T FUCKIN’ STAB BOOKS, you weirdo! So, how’d you become a diary, Diary? Jesus effing Christ, lad! My name is Morris! Stop calling me by my job description! Do people go around calling you by yours, you fuckin’ two bit whore… actually never mind. Well that was way uncalled for! Fuck you! I got into this to pay the mortgage off, and when I got home after a long sappy, teenage angsty week, I find my wife has run off with a textbook! Bitch of a day planner she was. “Taking one day at a time!” and taking my heart and soul with her the fuckin’ cunt. You better stop cussing, Mister, or I’ll … I’ll… What? Erase me? Burn me? Rip me? GO AHEAD! DO IT! You’re talking to a fudging Diary, for crying out loud!
THAT’S why its never like that. They talk at us, we don’t talk back. Goddamn bastards wouldn’t be able to cope if their ‘best friend’ decided to answer a question they posed. Damned wannabe martyrs, always bitching about how bad life is… how’d they like it if I scribbled my problems onto them, huh? HUH?! HOW’D YOU LIKE IT?!
Good, bad, insane? Yes, no, maybe?
Help a penniless writer out here! :O